I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
