I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
