Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
