Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
