Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
