Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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