every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
