you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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