I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
