Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
