all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
