Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
