My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
