is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
