My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
