I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
