I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
