I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
