party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
