Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
