I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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