I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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