and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
