party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
