im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
