Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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