I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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