i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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