As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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