Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
