she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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