he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
