There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
