Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We got so high we made milksteak
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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