He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
