They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
