I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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