if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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