On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
