I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
