just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
