I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
