i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
