Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I puked a lego.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As shirtless as possible
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
