Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
