Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
