Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
