sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
