I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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