I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
