sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
