Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
