I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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